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don't know what to do anymore! Empty don't know what to do anymore!

Post  kahlea (Admin) on 3/12/2008, 15:18

by mummy1987 Yesterday at 9:40

hey all. just need to get this off my chest and maybe some advice who have been through all this so here goes.......

well to start with i have always been a bit of a control freak when it comes to my life kind of like an OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). i know this mite sound stupid but basically in my mobile phone calender i have my everyday worked out like every minute of everyday. for example 8-8.05 open curtains, 8.05-8.20 have breakfast and so on like clean house 12 have lunch 5 have showers cook dinner go on computer and the list goes on but every minute of everyday. i feel like i have to do this or i am forgetting somethin and will get somethin lost or somethin like that so once i do one thing on my list i move it to the next day i need to do it. anyway so thats why its like OCD.

anyway i got preg and had a miscarriage in november and now since then i have been gettin anxiety. well my counsellor says when someone has such control over there life and somethin happens beyond that control like getting preg then miscarrying it causes the fear which is anxiety. my problem is its got worse. before i go out anywhere i get the anxiety so i was using an anti anxiety nervatona spray i was sprayin 4 sprays under my tongue to calm me. when i get anxiety i get hot and gag ALOT! like non stop. so anyway usually if i used this spray i was fine like to pick craig up from daycare by myself and stuff. so anyway my friend came over the other day and offered to take me to pick up craig and as soon as that happened i went inside and started havin anxiety attack like gaggin alot so i sprayed my spray which didnt work so i sprayed 4 more sprays but by the time we got to the shops i was still gaggin and had to have a maxalon just to settle me. this was when i decided to go on medication for it as nothin else was working!

my prob is that if this happens when im with a friend how will i go meetin strangers therefore how will i go meetin a guy or makin new friends or if i wanna work next year. i cant even be around my friends and i feel like this anxiety is ruining my life and i have no control over it. the more i tell myself im ok just settle down the worse it gets and i just dont know what to do about it anymore. im so scared that im gonna be like this forever coz theres no way i can meet someone and have a normal life and work if im like this. i said to mum i would work from home the rest of my life but i have no idea what to do workin from home and i just dont know what to do! anyway i will stop now as im upset coz so confused. plus i got my period still from like a week ago which i wasnt expecting as i had the depo needle the other month and when i used to have it i never got my period but the point is this is my 1st one since my miscarriage so its kind of brought bak memories.

i know now im on meds im slowly gettin better so all i can do is take it all day to day and see what happens! i just hope they work in the end so i can live a normal life!

thanks for listening everyone!

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Post  mummy1987 on 3/14/2008, 18:13

thanks hun and sorry bout that!

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